QUESTion#6

Who is the richest person you know; which person in your life has the most diamonds on the inside?

?Fiction?

While making my Green Tea this morning, I realized that I assign dual explanations to most things in the world; both Scientific and Fantastic explanations. I thoroughly enjoy assigning my own explanations more than you can imagine, and although I appreciate the Science behind many things, as Coldplay once said, “Science and Progress don’t speak as loud as my Heart…….”

So, we might as well start there; our Heartbeat.

Scientifically, a heartbeat is the noise made after a flow of blood moves through the heart and valves shut. But I say; it is also the rhythm of our soul. Which would explain why, when around someone we really like, it can sometimes beat faster. Souls can exchange energy, which causes each soul’s rhythm, or Heartbeat, to increase.

This theory also explains True Laughter more clearly, because as the soul gets too excited or happy, it releases some of the rhythm in the form of laughter so that your heart doesn’t have to handle all the energy on its own. Moreover, if the laughter is caused by someone you are with, you can show them that they made your heart/soul so full of energy that you had to smile and laugh.

This brings us to Tears (not literally). A scientist would say tears are secretions of the glands that clean and lubricate the eyes. Sure, but much more than that, they are a symbol and reminder of our vastness. That’s why they are salty. To remind us that like the ocean, we have a depth and seemingly limitless horizon inside of us, and sometimes we need a release, happy or sad, and so we cry.

Let’s move to Nature; how about rainbows? A rainbow is the spectrum of light created when the Sun shines onto droplets of moisture in the Earth’s atmosphere. But I would say a Rainbow is a messenger. It reminds us that those beautiful colors are there all the time. We just can’t always see them. A rainbow’s purpose is to communicate that our vision is limited, and our world is so much more than we see.

Then there is the sky; the glorious sky. This non scientific explanation was influenced by Ben Harper and his song “Diamonds on the Inside.” I relate to what he is trying to say and I often think of those awesome people I know and love, and how much I appreciate their diamonds on the inside. I think that some of us are so diamond rich on the inside, that we have to let some of that richness out into the world again. The energy in the form of diamonds leaves us to go back into the sky; which clearly explains all the stars. Luminous balls of diamond plasma. And of course our Sun is the result of Jesus’ diamonds being let out, as he was the most diamond rich of us all, and that’s obviously why we call it the “Sun” (Son).

I could go on forever, so I will end with our lovely sky. Which quite possibly we will all end with one day when we have to give back all the diamonds we’ve earned and collected through the years. Make a big deposit when it’s Time….

Retrospection

I have a memory from my childhood that I am certain is mine, but my Mother will tell you it isn’t possible for me to have this memory. I suppose she is right, and it must have been a dream, but how can a dream stay with you for so long that it feels like a memory…?

I am 5 years old. I am sitting on my bed. I am also sitting on my hands. The patch quilt my mom made me covers my bed. I love this quilt. It is my favorite possession. My bedroom is the last room in the hallway of our trailer. My brother’s crib is across from me and I am watching it. He is in it and asleep. My bedroom door is open and I look to my left and down the hallway to see what my mom is doing. She is sitting on our couch, hunched over, long black hair covering her face. I know she is crying and I think I know why.

I look to my right, where the fourth wall of my bedroom is missing. My Dad sealed this part of the room off with a heavy, thick construction plastic. There is a corner that has fallen, but since it is summer, I am not worried about it. I can see the sky through this fallen corner of the plastic. It is blue. I can see part of a cloud as well. This makes me feel better and so I get an idea to make my Mom feel better too. I get up, pull the whole plastic cover down, then I sit back on my bed. I clasp my hands in my lap and I stare out into our yard and into the sky. I am so happy that I decided to take down the plastic.

I realize my Mom doesn’t notice what I’ve done so I call down the hallway to her. She doesn’t hear me, and she never notices that I took down the plastic for her.

Illusion

She awoke slowly and could feel she was in the arms of someone who loved her. She could tell by the feeling of comfort. She turned her head to look at his face, but He was three men at once, and this startled her. Suddenly, she felt a sense of urgency, and she sat up quickly. She realized she was in the bed she slept in as a teenager. She was in her room as a teenager. She looked through the bedroom doorway, which was supposed to lead into her brother’s room, but instead it lead to a living room. Various people from her past were scattered throughout the space, sleeping.

She leapt out of the bed and to her feet. He asked her if she was OK and if she was back from where she had gone? She didn’t understand Him, but at the same time, she understood Him. He was The Protector. He was doing his job. She loved him for this. She turned to look at herself in the dresser mirror, her dresser mirror. She was stunned to see someone with sandy blonde hair, bangs, blue eyes, and lips not her own. The reflection was not hers and she felt more lost than ever. She also realized she had no memory of anything recent. She wasn’t sure how she got here or what happened the night before, but she knew something of significance took place.

She looked back at Him and He said; you are beautiful. The Protector was gone. This was The Catalyst speaking now. She knew he meant what he said, but what scared her was that she didn’t know what face He saw. And so she ran downstairs.

When she got into the kitchen it was full of the same people from the living room. Now they were awake; eating and talking to one another. When they saw her, she could tell they were looking at her strangely. She didn’t understand why and this was unsettling. So she ran through the front door, and into the night. She was in a yard she did not know. She looked up at the sky and it began to rain. Then it began to storm and the whole yard started to flood. It filled with water and became a deep pool almost instantly, and now all those same people were there swimming around her. They were making it a whirlpool and it was making it difficult for her to keep her head above the water. She wanted them to stop, but they were laughing, having fun, and didn’t notice that she was drowning.

Suddenly Time sucked everything dry and there was only pavement and she was cold and laying on it. A huge truck was driving towards her, but she was paralyzed and couldn’t move out of its path. It drove on top of her and she pushed up on the tires as hard as she could, and to her complete amazement, she flipped the truck over and away from her. The ease with which she did this was odd, and she knew something was very wrong. Was she dreaming, hallucinating….??

She is in an empty garage now, the truck which she overturned is gone, and she turns to see everyone behind her, just staring. She can’t tell what their faces are saying, so she gets up and heads out of the garage and toward the day light. She makes it out of the garage and looks up at the sky. It is bright out, sunny, warm. She has no idea where she is, and she is lost more than ever. At the same time she is happy to be alone and standing in the sun. She doesn’t know which way to go, so she stands still. She looks down at her hands and knows that something is missing.

eMOTION

I spent the day talking with someone wonderful, not to mention a sincere and true friend. We were discussing Life in general, how much we have learned over the years, and how much we appreciate what we once took for granted. I was touched that he thought I was a huge influence on his own depth and realizations. To say I learned a lot from him as well would be an understatement. Gratitude.

Like begets like, and so the gratitude within me became even greater….lovely.  

I also spoke with someone I haven’t seen in years. She was with her son, who is now 2 ½. There was something in her eyes and smile, and I could tell she was very happy from the inside out. She was beautiful, from the inside out. It was very touching, and I liked her presence. Motherhood.

Next, I ran into a former customer who was, after all these years, still coming into the Diner after his Karate session, having his coffee, chatting with his friends, and then heading on with his day happy as a clam. Simplicity.

I went to my first college game at Heinz Field. I was kept very busy watching all the different groups – the Cheerleaders, the Dance Team, the Band, the Student Fans, the Older Fans, the Security, the Vendors, and of course the Players. Everyone was doing their own part to make the game culture what it is. I was thoroughly entertained watching this dynamic. The Plays on the field were just a part of the bigger picture that we miss when at home on our couch. Energy.

Later, when at Lowe’s carrying Maddox, he and I laughed at each other, just for the sake of laughing. Forehead to forehead at times, laughing harder at each other as we both continued to laugh. What an amazing feeling. Love.

Basically I floated in a mist of positive emotions the whole day. Hmmm…that is exactly what it was….A Whole Day.  

QUESTion#5

What is one of your favorite memories and did you save a memento of it?

reCOLLECTION

Tonight I cleaned out the drawers of my dressers and found a new place for all my shit. Soon my bedroom furniture will be gone, so I will have to adopt a new morning routine. The whole time I’m organizing, I keep wondering, how did I slowly acquire so many Tshirts? I will tell you how, every concert and city I went to, I got a T shirt. What the hell was I thinking? Half of them suck and I never wear them. Some of them are cool though. Especially if they are that soft T shirt material, I wear the shit out of those. The others, I keep as some ridiculous memento of….what?? Hey I was here, I saw blah blah blah. Whoopie. The experience is stored in my head so why did I get this stupid T shirt?? Dumb. Hey, that would be kind of funny to put on a T shirt!

Oh, and guess what, most of the T shirts I still saved! What the hell am I going to do with myself?

Ugh.

Anyway, it feels good that I got that taken care of. I only have a couple more nights in my bed. The lady might buy my mattress too, but I think I may decide to keep it. Go back to sleeping on a mattress on the floor. I did that for most of my life anyway, so it should be a cool kind of nostalgic regression. Hmmmm….

So in addition to the T shirts I saved a bunch of other dumb shit. Plane tickets, concert tickets, museum tickets, movie tickets, tea fortunes, Chinese fortunes, old letters, cards etc, etc. I am not sure how I feel about these mementos. It was kind of cool to find them, but at the same time, I thought, what the fuck do I save this shit for? And still, I didn’t throw any of it away. Ridiculous.

If I ever leave this house I will miss it. I remember when I first moved into it, what a fucking trip. For over a year I lived in a hell-hole construction zone. I was so motivated then. I am still pretty motivated, but then I was just nuts. I would get up at 6am, run 8 miles, shower, go to work until 6pm, come home, sand, paint, poly, stain, scrub, strip, you name it, until 2am. Then repeat over again. I did this for over a year straight! Plus I worked every damn weekend, and had been for years. What the fuck was I taking?? I think I was possessed. The me then, compared to the me now, is a lazy POS. I am like a spoiled brat now. Every weekend off! Most evenings I am free to do as I please. I am so lucky now.  

Back to this house; I really do love it. It’s like my friend. It totally has a soul. I feel so safe in it too. Sometimes I don’t lock my doors because I feel like there is a force field around it and it is impermeable to criminals or anything bad for that matter. Well, except for those stink bugs we had last year. They kept getting in, and then one day they just disappeared. I think that was the first time I was ever truly mad at my house. I remember thinking, why are you letting these horrid things in!? What is funny is that most bugs I don’t even kill, I put them back outside. But those fuckers, I hated. I am so glad they magically disappeared, but for weeks straight, damn if I didn’t kill one every day. Disgusting.

I am going to the Diner in the morning for breakfast. I can’t wait for that. I haven’t been there in forever! I can’t wait to give Mike a hug. I hope he knows I still think of him and his family often. We kicked ass working together. We were an awesome Team. And we had fun, laughing most of the day. Making jokes and fucking around. Good times.

I think I will get a veggie omelet when I go. Mmmm. That sounds so good. Doused in ketchup! Heinz ketchup! Diner coffee….awesome. I wonder who I will see? I wonder how I will feel? I always get a little anxious before I go. I am stepping back in time. It feels so odd, but so good, but kind of sad, but still good, and then a little weird, I get flash backs, I miss certain things so much, and then time to go, and then I think, huh, well that was nice, and interesting.

I guess that’s life….nice and interesting.