Bored or On Board?

Most days there are a gazillion things I want to do. I have so much energy and excitement for pretty much every day. Then I have to go to work and I think: what the fuck!? God damn reality interfering with my fun again. FUN! Go have some fucking fun why don’t you? And so I try to have fun with work too, but really I live for my personal time. It is so glorious. There is so much to do in this world! Oh, how to find the time!??

Dudes and dudettes, if you are bored, then you are not on board with life. I hear my train every night, sounding its horn as it passes through my lovely little town, and I think; I am hopping on that sucker in the AM. I am not missing that fucker no matter what. It’s my nightly metaphor, telling me, don’t forget, Celeste. Don’t forget to be present, to be on board with living life to the fullest every day. When my alarm sounds, I don’t want to turn the fucker off or hit snooze (ok, sometimes I do hit snooze), but then I think, I gots shit to do! I gots fun to be had. And fun I have.

My friend took his son to fly a kite yesterday. Oh how perfect. How free you feel when you see it soaring through the sky, blowing with the wind. How good you feel watching it, with the sun on your skin, and in your eyes, and seeping into your pores, your cells, your being. Ahhh…Sun fuel. Love that shit. I’m addicted.

My only problem in life is that I can’t live forever. But that's all the more reason to get on board that train! And it's all the more reason to go fly a fucking kite!!!

Turning and Burning

Ok, so I am thinking, as I eat this apple (very tasty apple), that we are surrounded by lava. In fact the whole Earth is burning. No shit. And in the midst of it all, we stay cool. Well, most of us do. We avoid the fire around us. And we have to, we have shit to do. We are “very busy people.”

Most days I am proud that I have no problem finding inner peace, and staying cool when surrounded by the typical, daily mayhem of modern life. I go into the mind cave. I make everything around me move in slow motion. I watch the world like a movie reel that is slowly turning. A fluid carousel of pictures, I put them in frames in my brain. Some I wish I could hang on my walls. Just plaster my fucking walls in mental images; a god damn massive memory collage of frozen life. Like when I saw the brother and sister who cried and fell to their knees at the airport when reunited. Or when I looked down on the tumultuous city of La Paz, or out at the endless sea before I jumped off that bridge in Cadiz.

But back to this fire that is raging and we are ignoring. At night, I close my eyes; listen to the outside sounds seeping through my windows. I breathe in and out with purpose. I sense my surroundings, like a ninja (for real, you didn’t know I was a ninja?), all while craziness, I still can’t seem to hear, is happening. Weather is changing, lava is boiling, tectonic plates may be shifting, drug deals are occurring, guns are firing, babies are born, someone isn’t eating, someone else may be vomiting, and I am typing. All kinds of crazy shit is happening all the time. And then here we are…just plugging along. La ti dah. La ti fucking dah.

Sometimes I wonder; does the world need more firefighters?

quest.Ion.s

Everything is overwhelmingly interesting. I have an extreme desire to live forever because even forever cannot exhaust the infinity of knowledge that is always one step ahead of me. Like an ever rising helium balloon, that is never fully graspable, you reach and reach, coming close to holding it and bringing it to your level, but sometimes close is still so far away. There is so much in this world beyond our mental grasp. I love trying to reach it, even though I know I never will. There will always be more to know, there will always be more questions. If you stop questioning, you're dead.

I would love to do a study regarding the varied consciousness levels on the psychological interruption that occurs because of the two dimensional communication that usurps our physical presence at times. All this was prompted by a trip to Mad Mex with Stacey. We both left our phones in our purse, commented on the conscious decision to do so, and simultaneously noticed so many around us very busy fondling their phones. We decided to check out the unique art on the walls, the neat lantern lights dangling above the bar, and the young people around us. We talked with a gay couple beside us. We learned about a new band playing locally. We were present in our three dimensional space. We did not mentally shift our focus to a two dimension reality that encroaches on our psyche in ways we may not realize. In ways we may not understand. What do we miss when we are busy worrying about what we're missing? What do we miss when our minds are present in multiple dimensions at once?

There are so many questions that I have about our social, psychological, and physical fibers that connect us. There are so many questions that I have, period. I watched history lectures on Youtube by a UC Davis professor. So, at the same time that I question our connectedness, I utilize it to study my inquiries. My curiosity is a product of its existence, and it is satiated by it as well.

Positive, negative, positive, negative. Whenever you breathe out, I am breathing in.

Silent Conversation

She opened her eyes this morning, confused about where she had just been. Her brain is still in a frenzy of action; her neurons firing like a madman on a shooting spree. It is dark outside, but an Aurora Borealis is occurring from within. Her mind is in its own universe, a planet she only partially understands.

She talks and writes to you inside that mind. A one sided conversation with endless hopes for your response. She fills in the blanks, with different answers every time, exasperating the possibilities of where the conversation may go.

She can control her next dream if she tries. I wonder if you can feel her think on you.

Algebraic Vision

In the middle of the retina, where the optic nerve connects to the eye, we have a blind spot where there are no photoreceptors. When we look at the world around us we are totally unaware that there are gaping holes in our vision. We fill in the unknowns, based on the "knowns". We see the world, based on an equation. I've never been all that great at Math....fuck.

Mental Locomotion

Costa Mesa, Santa Monica, Santa Barbara, LA….I think; what a fabulous place to live. But, it isn’t necessarily where you are in this life, but who you are sharing it with. And this really makes me think…

Some people analyze and analyze and then analyze some more. I am one of them. But sometimes, I switch it off and follow only my heart. I hear the gears of my mind come to a grinding halt, like a piece of industrial machinery. Another noise ensues, that drumming noise inside my head again, rising from my chest.

We cannot know another’s heart, and this is why we question our own at times. No matter what ours may say, if the other person doesn’t share theirs, then there is nothing. Who would ever settle for nothing?

I hear my train in the distance again. Where is it going without me? And why do I want to be on board so badly.

The mystery of the unknown can be so enticing. To others it can be so scary.

When you look down the path on which you stand, what do you see? Who do you see?

The sound of the train always soothes me when I am falling asleep. Sometimes dreaming has to be good enough.

QUESTion #15

Now that it has had time to sink in...2012...you are here!!! Now what the fuck are we going to do with you??????????? Hmmmmm......