Ghosts

Sometimes a feeling, if not acted upon, will begin to fade; just as some memories do, and as the days, weeks, months, years go by, you begin to wonder if the feeling was even real.

"Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right."
"Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear."

But every so often you remember poignantly and with insane clarity, that the feeling was very real. Possibly it is a survival mechanism, that we allow certain feelings to fade, that we question what is true, so that we can begin again, so that we can move on.

"Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore."

I do not believe in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Every spot I guard like a diamond. Though it may fade in brilliance, I never wish to part with it. There's a fine line between remembering your past so that you can learn from it, and letting it haunt you. I do not want mine to haunt me. I do not need any ghosts.

"Just let me go, I'll see you again soon." Maybe when I close my eyes.

Bored or On Board?

Most days there are a gazillion things I want to do. I have so much energy and excitement for pretty much every day. Then I have to go to work and I think: what the fuck!? God damn reality interfering with my fun again. FUN! Go have some fucking fun why don’t you? And so I try to have fun with work too, but really I live for my personal time. It is so glorious. There is so much to do in this world! Oh, how to find the time!??

Dudes and dudettes, if you are bored, then you are not on board with life. I hear my train every night, sounding its horn as it passes through my lovely little town, and I think; I am hopping on that sucker in the AM. I am not missing that fucker no matter what. It’s my nightly metaphor, telling me, don’t forget, Celeste. Don’t forget to be present, to be on board with living life to the fullest every day. When my alarm sounds, I don’t want to turn the fucker off or hit snooze (ok, sometimes I do hit snooze), but then I think, I gots shit to do! I gots fun to be had. And fun I have.

My friend took his son to fly a kite yesterday. Oh how perfect. How free you feel when you see it soaring through the sky, blowing with the wind. How good you feel watching it, with the sun on your skin, and in your eyes, and seeping into your pores, your cells, your being. Ahhh…Sun fuel. Love that shit. I’m addicted.

My only problem in life is that I can’t live forever. But that's all the more reason to get on board that train! And it's all the more reason to go fly a fucking kite!!!