Expansion

We are such strange creatures, such weak bastards, such beautiful beings.....all at once. It's no secret, yet we rarely think on it. What we are; our limits, our power, our small universe, quite intense. Entropy and Elegance.

I got off the ground today, with the feeling in my stomach. The feeling that I am about to see and understand more; reach a little beyond the ordinary. Stretching is good, expand your universe.

I realized certain things over this past decade that will make the coming decades even greater. I think on this and realize, not much further now. Night turned to day and the Sun cancelled out the Moon. The view of the mountains from my small window is breathtaking and enormous. Wow. I am almost there...

Appreciation

It is amazing how quickly life can change. Sometimes the swiftness of it all can be overwhelming. What you thought was, suddenly is not. And although you wanted to believe in certain things lasting forever, you were reminded they simply cannot.

Change and grow, appreciate the seasons of the Earth and appreciate the seasons of your life.

I am cooking with my Mother. I chase Maddox and give him a hug and kisses. I think of Stacy and try to concentrate on sending her Love. I think of everyone not physically with me that I love. Silently I give Thanks for all that I have.

Omniscience

The universe is all knowing. It knows all that was, all that is, and all that will be. It knows our souls and it knows our hearts, so be sincere in all your actions.

I've been challenged in the past couple weeks- immensely. What I've learned; take nothing for granted. And if you do, never miss the Universe reminding you to be grateful. If the Universe has to give you a little Hell, open up and let it in. You may realize something Great.

Speculation

Can you ever truly know a person? Can you ever truly know their heart, mind, and motives? You can speculate and speculate, but often futilely. The truth is always eluding us.

People are so beautiful. We can love children not our own, give when we do not have, and possess an empathy and compassion so deep that it moves us to tears. But we also have a dark side, which can lie, be selfish, and hurt others. I don't like knowing that side of people, especially of those I love.

Nothing is ever what it seems. I can't stop thinking that today. I'm thousands of feet in the air, so I lift the window shade to look at the sky. The sun shines on the plane's metal wing, light refracts off all the white clouds. The sun's rays are so lovely. But what warms us and sustains us can also burn us.

What the fuck is going on? Sometimes, it is hard to tell...

Incorporation

Everything is a learning process. Take your experiences, really digest them, and turn them into wisdom. That is powerful. That will bring you strength, understanding, and peace. When there is someone or something in your life that contributes to the sunshine in your brain, and suddenly the lights go out, don’t worry, we were created in the darkness.

Human Condition

Sometimes people let us down.

I can see the moment their terrible decision was being made. If we love the person enough we put ourselves in their shoes, and somehow, we understand. The ill will, the desire to hurt anyone wasn’t there, but yet it happened. Did they see the potential for causing so much pain, and choose to ignore it?

Bury your head in the sand. Pretend your actions are only affecting you. Meanwhile I just moved my hand through the air and the whole world moved. The most important connections in life are invisible. Always do the right thing. Or at least what you perceive as such. Karma won’t fuck with good intentions.

Sometimes, life turns into a muddy bog. We find ourselves wading through it, trying not to be sucked under, like Atreyu and his horse. But the sadness wants to bring you down. Never be afraid to struggle. Stay centered. Go where you wish without a fear. Find harmony amid great pain. Keep peace in your heart.

I place expectations for those I love on a shelf. If they want to take them down it is their choice. But it still hurts to look at the shelf, when it is full and collecting dust.

Divination

Sometimes I do things, just for the fuck of it….

On Friday I walked down cardiac hill in Oakland. It was sunny. A little warmer than expected, so I didn’t wear a jacket. I felt cool and very awake; alive and very open. When I walked passed Eye of Horus, I decided to go in. I haven’t been in the seemingly bizarre magic shop in about a decade because I am not a witch, and any previous visits were for amusement. But on this day, I was ultra curious and felt motive. I turned the handle on the glass door, and moved from the sunlight into the small, dark shop. It was covered wall to wall with strange supplies on shelves and in jars.

I knew why I was there, but I only realized it at that moment. I have no intention of subscribing to any beliefs inside, but recently the historical relevance, and also the collision of imagery and ideology of something in particular caught my intrigue. And so the investigation began….

Can I help you?

Probably more than I can help myself. Do you have Tarot Cards?  

We have a lot of Tarot Cards.

Oh. Hmmm. Any Egyptian in origin?  I had no idea there were so many (as I stare at a selection of about 70!!).

Yes. Here.

Twenty five bucks later and I am on my way.

Don’t misunderstand my mind. I am not a mystic and I have never been to a psychic, and I realize Tarot originated as a game. None the less, I wanted to understand where and when the Mystical Tarot began, how the art form or practice works, and I thought it would be a fun tangent.

People often say; nothing is what it seems. This is so true! I have found that Tarot Cards are quite complex. First of all, I have 78 different cards to memorize, each of which has 4-7 words associated with it. Also, the alignment and juxtaposition of the cards can change the meaning. It is quite subjective like anything in life, and I think that it takes a very intelligent person to give an unbiased and technical reading as the cards demand.

I have only done a few formal readings, but I have learned quite a bit already. It is the psychological aspect that I like most about the cards. They cause people to become very introspective and aware. They make people think about their life situation, their choices, and who they are. I guess this was their main purpose to begin with when the occult adopted them. 

Maybe this artful and colorful deck is simply a means for feeling and communicating with what is inside of us. A bridge between the visible and the invisible. A beautiful tool for introspection!

Let me know if you want a reading. I need practice...

QUESTion #13 & QUESTion #14

Do you go after what you believe in?

If it is the process of making mistakes that makes us wise, why are we so afraid to make them?

Sentimental Formation

Oh my, this day. I just couldn’t get with it today, so I decided to give up trying. Sometimes you just have to say Fuck this. Fuck It.  

On my drive home, during which I was planning to make tea and then sleep, I started crying because I felt a little sick and then I was hit with missing Jim and my Grandma so much that I almost couldn’t catch my breath. I felt like the wind was completely knocked out of me. The realization of how long they have been gone, and how much I still miss them took over me completely and I felt in shock and slightly paralyzed. And then….a breath in and a breath out, and it became sorrow I could manage.

Shit happens. Shit happens. Shit happens. Deal with it.

Betty said yesterday, have you heard of Friendship Ridge hunny? Have I?? Are you serious Betty? She was there she said. I wonder if I ever saw her and if she knew my Grandma. I didn’t ask, but I told her I heard of it...

Are all these memories from this life? Seems like too many and I am still so young. Hmmm….thank God we are endless.

“You have a Quest honey.”

I do?

“I believe that you do.”

Why are you gone?

Silence.

Theory. How about a theory?

Do you believe in past lives and soul mates? I am not sure if I do, but I was thinking that if I did, maybe it works like this; Perhaps just as cells divide, every so often our souls divide when we die. Thus, two identical souls inhabit two new and different bodies. The number of times you have lived, died, and divided will determine how many of your soul counterparts are out there roaming this planet.

Maybe our counterpart soul divisions are our Soul Mates. Maybe Eve was Adam’s first soul division. Maybe we have multiple soul mates roaming the Earth that we may or may not ever find, and they can be male and/or female. And maybe only good souls have the Power to divide. Only the Good Souls. Ya, I like that.

It is fun to speculate about random things in which most people do not believe. I believe in everything and I have Faith in everything. I have Faith in every day, minute, second, and thought. And I think everything is possible, and I think everything is amazing, and I think that I don’t even know the half of it, but I would like to someday.

Someday…..