Divine Intuition

Who taught you to pray as a child?

When I was a little girl, my grandmother taught me how to pray. “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name….”

My favorite prayers were: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep…” and “Guardian Angel, Guardian Dear, to whom God’s love commits me here. Ever this day, be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.” The first was one of my favorites because it spoke of the soul and of death, which intrigued me. I adored the second because it spoke of unconditional safety, which comforted me. I can picture her sitting beside me right now, as if I am still that little girl, and she is teaching me for the first time.

A few years later my Mother would create an award winning painting of my brother and I, praying, bedside, in our pajamas, with a window above the bed showing the night sky. My Grandmother displayed this painting in her home until she died. My father gave it to me years later. The best and only gift he thoughtfully gave me.

To me, my grandmother was a saint. She taught me about love and wanted me to know God. I am not sure if I ever knew him, or ever will know him, but I knew her and she knew me. That, to me, was God.

When my Grandmother fell ill my Christmas revolved around seeing and being with her. Since she passed, it has never felt the same. There are many things that have never felt the same since she and my Stepfather, Jim, passed away. 

This Christmas I felt my Grandmother and my Stepfather's presence very strongly; they were talking to me, comforting me, laughing with me. Coincidentally, my Mother gave me Jim’s quill pen desk set that was monogrammed with “Captain Jim Hyde.” Unlike my Father, my mother has given me many, many gifts over the years, but this one was particularly special. Maybe Jim was talking to her too…

Communication

Sometimes, forgetting is so easy. Other times, it is nearly impossible.

I just got back from the antique store down the street. I always make a point to tell the owners how much I adore their store, and they love to hear this. Today I made some very special buys that my grandmother would love. You know what I love? That she is always with me. Especially now, at Christmas time. I love to hear her talk to me.

And guess who has been with me for about 8 days now??? Jim. Loud and clear in my brain all the time, just talking up a storm. Yesterday I was in such a hurry. I was running back into the house and I slipped and fell on my wet, stone pathway. I cut my hand and got my jeans dirty. All I could hear inside my brain was Jim saying, as he did so many times before when I was a child, "Slow down, Celeste." I sat there for a minute and decided to talk back to him. I sighed and said, "I know, Jim. I know. You are right. I will." And I got up slowly.

I feel so good about life. So thankful. Gratitude in full force and right on time because Christmas is coming!! I can't wait to see Maddox open his gifts. I can't wait to ring in the New Year at Raeanne's, and I can't wait to see what 2012 will bring. Things have already begun to change and I just know something special is going to happen in 2012. I don't know what it is yet, so it feels like Christmas in my mind all the time right now. Something is waiting to be opened!

Precipitation

This morning I woke up to snow. It is a beautiful thing to wake up to snow when you are in a warm home.

Justin called me to see when I was picking up him and Maddox to go to my Mom’s. I realized; I am fully back to my old routine now. I had about 6 cups of my green tea garden mixed with cinnamon cardamone and stevia, so now I am ready for my shower. Ha! I tell him I will be there shortly.

We put up the tree and made cookies last night. Maddox had a blast. He is a glorious and amazing 3 year old. It is wonderful to have Stacy here. It feels odd (sad) that Uncle Ray isn’t here too. Sigh. Fuck. One more time…..FUCK.  

Things have changed and I feel more change coming…

What else is this I feel? I am not quite sure. Maybe it is acceptance, or maybe readiness.

“In spite of the weather, we can learn to make it together…”

Present Position

Being home feels good. Seeing my brother and Maddox feels beyond good. I open the door, I see their faces, and I feel the most amazing feeling in every cell of my body. I feel so lucky to feel so happy.

Christmas is coming. The cold is here. The snow is on the way. Life is amazing in more ways than I can comprehend.  
A short time ago I was in another time zone, another climate, a different altitude. I am back in my time and place. I am home. Stacy is home. Graciella, Luciana, and Lucia have a new home.

The future hangs over our heads, and moves with each current event....

We cannot see what is coming, but when it arrives, we can do something great with it.

Affection

On the third day of building I awoke to the sound of rain. I knew work on Graciella's home wouldn't be feasible, and I felt a degree of concern about our progress. Since we built on land that wasn't flat, the foundation took quite a bit of time. I realized we weren't going to finish the house completely by Friday for the closing ceremony. At breakfast we decided we would work Saturday and have the closing that day instead. We will finish as much as we can, and the masons will finish the rest after we've gone. Although not ideal, we all accepted it. With the day to ourselves, we discussed how to spend it. We unanimously decided to visit Father Alfredo's.

As we entered the gates of the orphanage, two girls, Carolina and Natalia, were peeking at us from around a corner. We stood in an open courtyard that connects multiple small houses, a little chapel, a main office, and a recreation building. I immediately felt a very positive feeling from the entire environment. It felt welcoming, warm, and peaceful. After a few minutes, Carolina and Natalia decided to fully emerge. They greeted us with smiles and giggles.

Shortly after, an orphanage Mother greeted us and showed us each home. We met all the children and they showed us their rooms. Each bed was meticulously made, their clothes were perfectly folded and organized in their closets, and personal photographs, homemade art, and decorations adorned their respective bed areas. The kids pridefully showed us which bed was theirs. Carolina took my hand to lead me around as she pleased. Hearing the mothers explain how the orphanage functions was quite moving. The children were very happy, and the mothers went to great lengths to develop a sense of home and family for the children. They did an amazing job.

As we moved back to the main courtyard I heard guitar and drums coming from the chapel. I immediately recognized the melody, and curiously walked to see who was playing. It was three little boys and an older, blonde haired boy. They waved me into the chapel and I walked up to them, the older boy, Lucas, put his hand out to me. As I took his hand, he pulled me forward to kiss my cheek and say, nice to meet you, in English. He had a German accent, which was out of place. He explained he was from Germany volunteering for a couple years. He was spending most of his time teaching the children how to play music. How awesome! I immediately took a liking to Lucas.

As the rest of the gang strolled in, I asked Lucas if they would play us a song. He said, sure! They were excited to play for us, but not nearly as excited as I was to hear them. Everything seemed surreal and I had an intense feeling in my chest. Then, to top it off, they began playing Zombie by the Cranberries. My cousin Chris and I loved this song growing up. I instantly recalled him jokingly singing it to me as kids to cheer me up. I sat on a bench in that chapel, listening to Lucas and the kids play, thinking of Chris, and I couldn't help but cry. I felt incredibly happy, and incredibly sad, all at once.

The band played a couple more songs and then we were ushered into the recreation room. The children wanted to put on a small performance for us. The kids took turns dancing Capoella in pairs while music played and we clapped. I was honored to see how talented they all were. Honored and humbled!

As we left the orphanage, Lucas and the bass player came over to say good bye. We hugged and kissed, and Lucas offered to take a group picture with my phone for us. I am going to frame it.

While driving away, the kids waved and smiled at us, telling us to come back soon. I felt sad thinking that I would likely never be back. But on second thought, it is hard to tell what the future will bring. I took a brochure from the main office just in case...

A Solid Foundation

I stand beside a small hand painted sign that reads: Graciella Villaroel, Lote 31. It is 95 degrees, and the sun is intently radiating on us and the land. The dirt and cement blow from their respective piles in the breeze. I grab my shovel and wheel barrel, and walk back to the stone pile, we need 3 more loads.

Graciella, Baby Luciana, and Mama Lucia. These are the names of the family that will live in the house. Graciella is 26, her baby Luciana only a year, and Lucia looks in her 40's. Emma, Les, Sabash, Mike, and I, work with the masons Gari, Marciello, Oscar, and 13 year old Cero (Junior). We are all here to do whatever the Masons tell us. The first two days consist of digging holes, shoveling sand and stones to make concrete, and hauling brick. The work feels good, but I know I will be sore in the morning. We will all be sore in the morning.

The hours before lunch are long, but we look forward to what homemade meal the family will bring us that day. We set up chairs in the half finished home next door for shade, and appreciate the awesome meal prepared for us. Food and water never tasted so good!

Sabash is in his 50's. Today he worked too hard in the heat. His hands are shaking and he says he isn't hungry. Heat stroke. We all go back to work and he stays behind to recuperate. Nicole brings him a rehydration pack. That evening he decided to sleep instead of joining us for dinner. By morning he says he is ready to work again. He spent the entire next day in the hole laying brick. He's an amazing person.

At dinner Tom tells us about himself. He has three adopted children, one from Guatemala, one from Columbia, and one from New York. He is currently putting them all through college. Les is here with his niece, 16 year old Emma. Although an Uncle rather than a Father, you can see the powerful and positive impact this man is having on her life. I think of my stepfather Jim. Gordon and Greg came together, they have been friends for over 50 years. I smile thinking of Miranda, Rae, and I in 30 years. We are so lucky to have each other.

Tonight, I lay in bed thinking of Luciana and her muy bonita ojos de morena. I wonder if she will go to college one day, and if she will travel to the United States and elsewhere one day. I hope that she does. I hope that opportunity can somehow find her in her new home, in the neighborhood of Andelita. Minutes later, I am sound asleep...

Anticipation

Entering the city of Santa Cruz was nothing like entering the city of La Paz. Of course, there are not many cities that boast a grand entrance of 1,000 feet down the Andes. The cab ride itself was an unforgettable adventure.

Santa Cruz feels like a different country compared to La Paz. The climate is tropical, the feel is more Americanized, but run down, and the population is young. The city square is the main attraction. The cathedral and marble plaza are a spectacular sight, and there are endless shops for eating and shopping. Tonight we enjoyed a dinner from a roof top, and became acquainted with fellow volunteers. The caliber of people on these type of projects never ceases to amaze me. Quite humbling.

Our hotel is in a suburban district, about 10 minutes from the town center. We will be building homes about an hour from here, in a poorer region of Santa Cruz. Tomorrow we begin the day visiting former Habitat for Bolivia homes. The construction is similar to those we built in Guatemala. Mainly cement block, rebar, and mortar. I am anxious to see the build sights and meet the families.

It has been an interesting adventure thus far, and the best part is yet to come. My body has had a tough time with the sudden altitude and temperature changes, but I feel ready to work. We begin actual labor on Monday. I cannot wait.

Elevation

Immediately upon arrival, I felt the change in altitude. La Paz airport is the highest in elevation of any airport in the world. While making my way through customs, I felt the elevation sickness getting stronger and myself getting weaker. I had a massive headache, felt sick to my stomach, and extremely sleepy. God bless a medic station in the airport ready to handle foreigners who get elevation sickness. They were out of altitude medicine, as it was the end of the month and rations were depleted, but they gave me oxygen. This sufficed, although I still had a headache and my breathing was comprimised.

Feeling stronger, I made my way to the city. The descent down the mountain was spectaclar! My only wish was for the taxi to slow down! Hotel Estrella, (star in Spanish), was perfect for me to stay. After I settled in, I was off to explore the streets. I was continuously made aware of the altitude. There were mountains surrounding me, and my heart raced walking up hills or steps. Little by little I adjusted, and was able to enjoy myself to the fullest.

Bolivia is gorgeous. The vibe in La Paz is overwhelming. Thoroughly entertained by the sights and the people, I could walk in circles in this city for days. Today I toured the San Francisco museum. The garden and the church inside were amazing. I was one of the only people touring it, which made for a surreal experience. The little girl following me allowed me access to the main altar and a crypt. She showed me stairs to climb to the roof of the church. When I got to the top, I was in awe!

A breathtaking (literally) view of the city, with the huge mountains in the background, surrounded me. The bell tower, the large cross, the corrugated roof, it all seemed so perfect. The weather was warm with a slight breeze. I sat up there a while, just taking it all in.

I wish I could project this courosel of pictures from my mind to yours! And the feeling! What a feeling...

A slight rain fell as I walked through the city this evening. The rain drops made a soothing noise on the vendor tents. It added to the sounds of the people and the night all around me. I walked to a park and watched the kids playing. A little girl smiling and laughing reminded me that although I am surrounded by a foreign language, laughing and happiness translates the same for us all. Everything is so different here, but this is the same everywhere. Thinking on this, I smiled too.