Do you remember when we stood in the middle of the living room, in that tiny 3 bedroom house? I was eight, you were six. Mom was only 28, and she was crying and hugging us. It was our first home, “just the three of us”, she said through tears.
Mom’s hair was jet black and covered her entire back. When she cut it short, I sobbed. She didn’t look the same. Remember when we played for hours in the woods, you, Chris, and me? We buried treasures and lost treasures. I almost died swinging on that vine by the Big Rock. We loved going to the Big Rock and playing in 100 Acres. Remember when Mom beat me for starting a fire in 100 Acres, which I never actually started. I didn’t know what to think of my bruised body, fat lip, and black eye. I remember the whole ordeal vividly. I had to stay home from school for a week because she didn’t want my teacher to ask what happened. I realized she felt guilty, which made me feel less scared. And less mad. I was so mad at her! She bought The Outsiders and we watched it on the couch together. I was only 9. A few years later, I read the book, and it became one of my favorites.
I remember when Jim started coming to the house more often, and the train he bought to go under our tree. A short time later I would be in Mom’s room, while she was crying on her bed, asking me if she should be with Jim. I was 9, maybe 10, what did I know? But I remember telling her, “Yes, Mom. Please. We like him.” I wanted him to keep coming back, and I was so scared he wouldn’t. I didn't fully understand why she was crying.
Remember when Uncle Ray moved in, and we were so excited? We thought he and Stacey were the coolest people in the world. I wanted to be Stacey. I liked everything she liked, and often asked her to pick out my school clothes. When she gave me attention I felt so special. I liked how Uncle Ray laughed. Doesn’t he have a fun laugh?
We played “Ship” in our room. If you touched the Ocean water (the bedroom floor), you died. We made incredible tents and played Atari, and later Nintendo. I adored playing my Muppet Casio and pretending I was a famous piano player. I made pictures on my chalkboard and hated when you erased them. I had the top bunk, and when you were mad at me, you would kick it. Hard! I pretended it was fun, and that made you stop. When I couldn’t fall asleep at night, I would get out of bed and spy on Uncle Ray and his friends. That’s how I saw The Wall for the first time. Uncle Ray caught me, but allowed me to stay up and watch the rest.
On other nights, when I couldn’t fall asleep, I would do what Grandma taught me, and say a “God Bless” prayer for all the people I loved. I did this out loud, do you remember hearing me? When I was done with that I would talk to Pap Pap Pete. Mom said he was a painter, a photographer, and an electrician. She said he loved to travel and took her places as a little girl. She said his death was the biggest tragedy of her life, and that it was a horrible shame we would never know him. In my child mind I deemed him the smartest man I never knew. Do you remember if you thought that too?
You’ll never read this, and I’ll never ask, but do you remember? I know you do. What else do you remember?
