Potentiation

People say; nothing stays perfect forever. Metals tarnish, clothes wear, looks fade, and friends go separate ways. Some cannot deal with these inevitable occurrences, but it is simply change, not loss, and perfection is a perception. Unfortunately we have idealized perfection to the point that its own unique phases are missed, and the true meaning of the word has been eroded. I will decide how to see my world, and to me, it is almost always perfect, even when it is sad, confusing, or chaotic.

 Life can be emotionally and mentally exhausting, but it is usually me creating this state. Often times, we think we know what we want, but aren’t happy once we have it. We are always looking for something outside of ourselves, instead of within. I keep trying to look within as much as possible. I get frustrated with myself for always focusing on my own life and needs, as if others around me don’t have their own worries. When I see the dynamics of all our lives in my minds eye, like molecules of an organic reaction, I see how amazing it all really is. Despite the changes, fluctuations, unexpected or undesired outcomes, in the end, the whole process is fantastic. And the outcome is only undesired if you choose to see it that way. Reality is a real mind fuck.

Today I felt like I did everything as if I was outside of my body. It was an interesting experience. It may have had a little to do with the fact that I skipped lunch. But anyway, I felt a bit like I was hovering just outside myself, and I was watching myself move through everything. I thought, hmmm…..I am an interesting little sucker. I kept looking at everyone else too and thought, jeez, we are all so interesting. I stop sometimes and close my eyes and pretend that I stop it all. I don’t want it to stop permanently, but just for a moment. So I can enjoy the perfection of that moment, before the next one comes. But it moves so fast. And Time too, just like reality, another mind fuck. WE created it. What if we add an extra month or two to the calendar year??……I would be years younger! Would this change the decisions I make in life. Should I make decisions based on age or time, which is an arbitrary invention and fascination? Truly, your guess is as good as mine.

The world we choose to see and the person we choose to become is something we cultivate everyday, until it is hard to see the view that others may have. I try to remind myself how important it is to think of all the views and possible ways of seeing a situation. This is not easy and can cause your mind to feel slightly explosive. But when you keep the fire alarms from sounding, and do not fight the overwhelming feeling, that’s when you feel reality’s elasticity and understand perception’s blind spots.

We all have to decide how we will choose to view the world. In this sense, life is about creating yourself, creating your world. At the same time, we all have to decide what kind of person we want to become within that world. We have pluripotent souls, and we have to choose which one we want to stimulate. In this way, life is about finding your self, a self, from within.

I once thought it important to be with someone who sees the world the same as me. Now I realize it is important to be with someone who knows we all view it different, and there is nothing imperfect or problematic about that. Quite the opposite; it is a potential and a perfection that can facilitate and stimulate our own growth. We would be so lucky to walk a day in someone else’s shoes……

QUESTion #4

Did you think you had to fall apart to see how all the pieces fit together?

Ocean

She stood at the edge of beach, where the salt water mixes with the sand, and she looked up at the Moon and Milky Way. Sometimes, she feels that Milky Way inside her chest; making her as endless as the ocean and the sky in front of her.

The water feels like bath water. She knows she won’t be able to resist going in much longer, even if she is clothed. She wants to feel part of it all. She doesn’t want to feel separate; she isn’t separate. Walking into the water, it rises from ankles, to knees, to shorts, to chest. And then she lets herself fall, until she is submerged. She is underneath now, where the silence and warmth feels primal and soothing. But eventually she rises above, tasting the salt on her lips, smiling, and laughing. She looks at the half moon above her, raised and ruling the water she is worshiping, and she feels invincible.

She is as happy as a child in a warm bath before bed time. Only she isn’t a child anymore, and so somehow, the smile and laugh, which is as sincere as if she were, is that much more valuable and precious. She suddenly realizes this moment is a rarity and she quiets her laugh, relaxes her smile, breathes deep, and traps the memory and feeling inside her with all the others. I’ll never let this one go she thinks. She turns and sees the people she loves standing behind her at the beach. She is so full right now. Suddenly she begins to feel that Milky Way inside her making its way back into the sky, where it belongs. Now, she is not separate.

destiNATION

Have you ever read Celestine Prophecy? It is an amazing book to read. I read it exactly when I was supposed to, and the book will attest to this.

Today I was on an airplane on my way to see two people I love very much. On the plane, I was finishing a glorious story by a great writer; The Pilgrimage by Paulo Cohelo. Before beginning the book, I started thinking about certain things I had thought on heavily a decade ago (possibly even longer ago). I didn’t know what the book was going to be about, but it began exactly where my thoughts wanted to visit once again.

I remember the day I bought The Pilgrimage. I purchased it because I like another of Paulo’s stories (The Alchemist), and I liked the title. I never read the back of the book like I often do. I saw it on the shelf, grabbed it, bought it.

Something tells me, I didn’t choose this book; this book chose me.

Anyway, as I neared the end of the story, it described an exercise that involved relaxing and listening to the world around you. It continued, when your mind enters a truly relaxed state, let yourself hear the songs of your childhood. I thought…….I literally just did this exercise the other night and described it in my previous post. As the book resolved, I realized it was resolving what I have resolved, so many times before. I thought, I am reading this book exactly when I was meant to.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of what we already know.

The end of the book had blank pages titled: “Reflections.” My last blog was titled this very word. It was the first time I noticed the blank pages at the end. I did not know where the story would lead, or that the story and I were on the same trajectory. How did this happen? Also of mention, I read the last sentence of the book as the wheels of the plane hit the pavement. Something about this struck me. I like it when things strike me in this manner. I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that point in time.

We are all on a path. Sometimes the universe speaks to us and tells us if we are going in the most honorable and true direction. It gives us signs. Sometimes when I receive these signs I think it is so extraordinary. Then I realize, and I know; this is happening to us all, ALL the time.

The universe is constantly speaking to us and sharing its wisdom. So many of us listen and respond, but many of us don’t even hear it. There have been periods in my life that I was more in tune with hearing it and also periods when I was less in tune (or even ignoring it). What is no coincidence is that I am a happier, healthier, greater person when I am listening more carefully.

The difficulty for me now isn’t in hearing the universe. This has become reflexive. The difficulty now is knowing how to respond. Understanding and Feeling the Power that lies within us is the first step. Actually taking the journey to exercise our Power is the next and far more difficult step. Figuring out how to use your Power requires a lot of Faith and Courage. Fear and Doubt come prepared for a fight. How can we best prepare, and what do we gain if we are Victorious? Should I allow myself to believe in Perpetual Amazing Grace? It would be something worth fighting for Everyday, so why the hell not? How sweet the thought.........!

QUESTion#3

How will you exercise your Power?

Reflections

A friend of mine sent me an email the other day. It read: I arise in the morning, torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

He has obviously gotten to know me well.

I am always reflecting, quite possibly more than average, but I am not sure. Regardless, I just can’t stop. Sometimes I am happy to be this way. Sometimes I wish I could hit an OFF switch. I’ve gone through stages over the years, and I have oscillated. I am always trying to make sense of the world, even though I realize it is often beyond my comprehension. None the less, I have these deep down feelings of understanding. That is the best way I know how to explain it. A deep down feeling of understanding certain things that I can’t quite put words to.

When I read what my friend wrote me, at first I thought, “Exactly!” But then, I kept turning it over in my mind, and something wasn’t quite right. I wanted to resolve the dissonance. Because one can do both, enjoy and change, simultaneously.

Monday night I left my house and got in my car. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I needed to buy a backpack, so I had some direction. After I did that, I felt there was something else I had to do before going home. I pass a park everyday on my way home. This night, I stopped. I read on a picnic table until it got too dark to read, and then I walked over to the swings. I swung for almost a half hour. (It was badass).

At one point I started swinging as high as I could. I could not help but smile and laugh. I was the only one there, laughing to myself in a dark park, swinging on the swings. Sometimes I think I may be a bit crazy.

Anyway, it gets worse. Suddenly, songs kept coming to my head. But they were all childhood songs. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, On Top of Spaghetti, and Itsy Bitsy Spider. It was so weird (or possibly not since I am at a park swinging….hello…). Anyway, I start humming because I couldn’t help myself. I did this for a while, then slowed down to a stop and listened to the night in silence. I begun to spin my swing around and around, and let it unwind. Which is quite fun by the way.

In doing all of this, I thought of the email my friend sent me and realized, the changing and enjoying are certainly not mutually exclusive; quite the opposite. You cannot have one without the other. You will never change the world, if you do not know how to enjoy it, or take the time to enjoy it. Moreover, in truly enjoying the world, you ARE changing the world.

Every moment you enjoy positive energy is released into the atmosphere and it creates a force - A Beautiful Positive Power. I like to think of it as a stream flying out of you and into and through other people on its way into the sky (which clearly explains why the sky is so beautiful). The more you enjoy the world in a sincere and loving way, the more you change it. I felt good about this, and although I have thought this before, this time, I really believed it. I suddenly felt more motivated to be who I am in the best way I know how. I suddenly felt like it mattered and could make some kind of difference. For me this was a very good thing, because compared to so many people that change the world in a more obvious manner, I am always feeling inadequate.

Our thoughts are forming the world. Our actions are forming the world. We have more power in us than we know. If there is any truth to accept, it is this. So I decided and I resolved; I will wake everyday with the desire to enjoy the world, so that my power can be a part of the change I want to see.

Hip Action

I am sweating! I was just hula hooping. Oh my god, it is so much fun!

Today I played with a 3, 5, and 7 year old. I re-learned how to do a cart wheel, back bend, and hula hoop. Yes, I hesitated on my first cart wheel. Yes, I almost hurt myself on my first back bend attempt. And yes, I had a hard time re-learning how to hula hoop. Talk about frustration when you could do all three easy peasy, no problemo, forwards, backwards, eyes closed, tongue out.

How it all began:

Seven year old Olivia says, “Celeste, watch me do a cart wheel.” As I am watching her, I think, Hmmm……..can I still do one? I get up and I say, “Huh.” Of course my brother is reading my mind, “I can do a perfect cart wheel,” he says. Pfffft! Ya, right! So I try one, and I get a decent rating from the adults and kids. Of course, my brother is next. Sibling rivalry is wonderful. Except, he almost pulls a hammy, and I am not sure that he did a cart wheel per se. Fucking hilarious. Now everyone is doing cartwheels in the yard. Awesome!

Next, “Celeste, can you do a back bend?” Oh no. What did I get myself into? But now I am curious. Can I? Once upon a time I could do a back bend, a back walk over, a front flip, all of it. Now, I am pretty sure I may hurt myself, but I have to try! I start to bend backward, shit! I am already scared I am going to smack my head. What is key as a child? – No Fear. Ok, remember that. This is easy. You got this, just keep your arms stretched out and let your hands hit first. I had Faith. Holy shit! I did it. And it was easy! No problem. I do it again. Again. This is fun!

I am proud to be the only one, besides Olivia of course, that can do a back bend. My brothers attempt made us all cringe, and Amy (Olivia's Mom) refused to even try. Of course the younger kids did some form of sitting on the grass and saying it was a back bend. This served as a good laugh.

It is getting dark. It is time to go in. I am smiling. I had a good time with them. But wait, just when I think it is over, Olivia says, “Celeste, did you know that Mommy timed me and I can hula hoop for 12 minutes, and that I only quit because I got bored!” “Hmmm…” I say. Then I confess; I am not sure if I can hula hoop anymore either. “Here we go,” my brother says. Olivia was gone and back in a flash with two hula hoops. She knew she could get me to stay with this challenge.

My first attempt, I fail miserably! I look up, and there is Olivia, walking back and forth, spinning that sucker around her hips like a pro! Ok, I must get this before I can end my night. I watch her technique. I try a few more times, but can only keep it up briefly. I try again, and there it was, The Rhythm. Holy shit, it was so much fun. I stayed an extra ten minutes hula hooping. Who knew it could be so rewarding to hula hoop??? I knew it as a kid, but fuck if I didn’t forget as an adult. Why is that?

As I am leaving, I tell Olivia that by next Tuesday we can have a hula hoop challenge. I plan to practice and break her record. Ok, fat chance, I realize this, but Olivia is pumped about the challenge. She is super competitive and I adore it.

On most days, we have a couple options; we can watch our day go by and semi participate, or we can fully participate. Why would we choose to miss out!? Have we stopped fighting the good fight? Have we stopped seizing the day? And if so, why do we do this?

I realize we have so many “responsible” things to do as adults, but tell me you don’t waste time watching TV or pissing around on Facebook. I suggest canning both of these activities. Go buy a hula hoop and do what is REALLY important; have fun with the ones you love!

PS – I do not use the F word this much in front of the kids, I swear.....I mean I don't swear!